Don’t Bother Watching “The Human Centipede (The First Sequence)”

Posted: May 10, 2013 in Cover Your Eyes
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

All I can say here is “Ugh.”

That’s right. That’s all this movie deserves. But since I’m a long-winded bastard and because I’m sure you all have come to expect a little more than a grunt from me on the topic of horror movies, I’ll take a couple moments to explain why I hate this film.

If “Absentia” is indie horror getting it right, “The Human Centipede” is definitely indie horror getting it wrong. All wrong.

First of all, let me take a second to define the horror genre. This definition was pilfered from a brilliant ad for the After-Dark Horror Fest movies– Horor is a genre that seeks to elicit feelings of terror, disgust, or strong discomfort from the audience through depictions of violence, gore, victimization, or powerlessness. Since “disgust” is on this list, “The Human Centipede” does qualify as horror, but only in the very loosest sense of the word. In short, this film was one long exploration of the word “disgusting.”

To keep true to my typical form, let me provide a brief synopsis. “The Human Centipede” was written and directed by Tom Six and was released in 2009. In this film, a couple of tourists experience the cliched broken down vehicle and fall into the horribly stereotypical trap of seeking help from a stranger in an isolated house set far back from the road. The stranger, they discover, is a “mad scientist” who is seeking human subjects for his ultimate experiment– to connect three humans together to form a viable creature that he intends to keep as a pet.

Even writing the synopsis makes me want to giggle wildly. It’s that effing silly. But, there you have it.

I typically don’t do spoilers, but in order to communicate myself on this film, I must spoil it. The scientist intends to sew these three people together ass-to-mouth to create a “human centipede” that shares a single digestive system. That’s right. You got it. Poop-eating.

See what I mean? Not at all scary or even thought-provoking. It just makes me want to vomit.

The one thing I will say about this movie is that it stuck with me. I take serious issue with the forced-eating motif (which I have seen used to much better effect, trust me). For days after watching this movie, I couldn’t eat anything without thinking about poop.

Gross.

I’ll take a pile of steamed Under-Belly any day, but please hold the poop. Until next time, fellows, don’t watch this movie. It’s a supreme waste of your time unless you happen to be looking for motivation to stick to that starvation diet you’re on.

*I would love to be in touch with you! Send me a note about what you’re writing or what movies you’ve been watching, as I’m always open to new content for this blog. Even if you think your suggestion might be weird or unfitting, there is very little that can’t be included in the Under-Belly feast! So fill out the form and say hi. I won’t bite!

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